Friday, January 16, 2009

a ghazal

i wrote this ghazal very foolishly, without even knowing that it needs to have a rhyme... then when Vivek pointed that out, I managed to have some sort of a rhyme, and personally speaking, it turned out much better than I expected it to, when i was wrestling away with it. But what Vivek says is very true... that it's actually a repetition of "-ly" and not really a rhyme... well... I didn't know that when I wrote it, and now I'm stuck and have no idea what to do with it! Here goes! the idea is something that germinated in my mind a lon time back in october-november...

a sculptor carving skilfully in agra
my hand was cut off stealthily in agra

abused and worn out weaning fourteen babies
your love in a tomb, tenderly in agra

people from afar visit the world's wonder
amidst squalor unheedingly in agra

built by shah jahan for his beloved wife mumtaz
in history class they said proudly in agra

this white gleaming tomb erected in darkness
Shruti asks cruelly or lovingly i agra.


Rhythmn said...

of all your poems i like this one the best..

Shivika Mathur said... makes me add another line to it:

What is the Wonder after all?
The Taj, I or the Agra?

(I know that's crap;))

shrutanne said...

thanks ruchi... but it's not a proper ghazal, far as ghazals go, as I alrdeay explained. nothing personal emant to you, of course... but I feel a bit weird when people compare a poem that I've written with other poems that I've written... which people do all the time, of course (sigh!) somehow I don't think of the poem in question but of all the other poor poems that ahve been left out!!

shivika... thanks... and come on, don't be so self demeaning... I like your couplet. though, of cousre, it doesn't have the same metre as the couplets in my "ghazal" do...

Chandni said...

shrutisareen...just keep writing...and please change the last line. It is not in tune with the rest of the poem:) (u know i am critical)

shrutanne said...

wh is it not in keeping with the erst of the poem, chandni?? the whole poem expresses scepticism about the valourisation of the taj, so does the last line... only it does so more explicitly, that's all...